Hello all,
Tell me if you've been in this situation. You have a car. Whether you bought the car used or you've just had it a long time it is in need of repairs. You go back and forth to the mechanic and nothing seems to help. You keep throwing money at the problem hoping a miracle occurs to keep your car running. But alas, the car issues persist. The vehicle that once provided you with reliable transportation has become a liability. What do you do with this high maintenance vehicle? Of course, you get rid of it. Let me pose another question. If you wouldn't put up with a vehicle that's high maintenence, why do you put up with an individual that is high maintenance?
I think we are all familiar with the high maintenance person. The person who always comes over and eats your food but never contributes monetarily nor cleans up afterward. The overbearing parent. The constant complainer. Growing up, I was under the false impression that "high maintenance" only referred to spoiled, money-hungry women. As I matured, I had to broaden my definition to include anyone whose mere presence costs you more energy than it's worth. Throughout my life, I've met plenty of high maintenance folks. I fall victim to these people because I have a tendency to want to please everybody (I'm the first born so it kind of comes with the territory). As impossible as that sounds, I still try only to find myself exhausted, resentful, and sometimes broke. I don't know why but I have the hardest time saying "no". The fear of not pleasing someone has gotten me in some of the worst situations. I used to think that accomodating everyone that asked for a favor was commendable. But if you're as co-dependent as I am, that gets old real quick. So what do you do when you want your life back? That's easy. You take control (notice I said "take").
High maintenance friends and family will suck you dry if you let them. Constant requests for money, a ride, etc. will weigh down even the most energetic individual. What makes it worse is the fact that it's not the other person's fault. YOU are the one that chooses to spread yourself thin to make someone else happy (who 9 times out of 10 won't even appreciate it, although they expect you to accomodate every time). Saying "no" is the first step to emotional independence. "No"sounds so negative. I realize that. But if you go around saying "yes"to every request, you will never have time to focus on your own needs. Subconsciously, we sometimes put other people's needs in front of ours so we don't have to focus on our own problems. Then we can say, "If I didn't help so and so, I would have been able to (fill in your own blank)". This is known as a built-in excuse. It's a pretty slick cop-out that will keep you stuck in a morass*(<--it's not what it sounds like) if you won't recognize it.
Ridding yourself of high maintenance people should be your #1 priority. The person who is always interrupting your conversations, the person who can't catch a break, the terminally cranky, the chronic worrier, and the hypochondriac are just a few of the high maintenance people that you need to break away from. I know it's hard. Most of the time these are your friends and/or family. When you decide to take your life back, they will be the first ones to tell you that you've changed and you don't look out for them anymore. However, keep in mind that it is not your responsibility to make their life easier. Offering help should be a choice not an obligation.
"Our dependency makes slaves out of us, especially if this dependency is a dependency on our self-esteem. If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge."- Author Unknown
Dream Big. Live Bigger.
The All-American
www.rallostyles.com
www.blestbabyproductions.com
*Word you've never heard...
morass /muh-RASS/ noun - a situation that traps, confuses, or impedes
Monday, June 16, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
The Catalyst
Salutations,
I'm a firm believer that pure unadulterated thought is our single most important possession. Sure, we may have a place to live. If we're lucky, we own a car. But our most significant asset is our thoughts. Our thoughts are important because quite simply they are the only things we possess that can't be taken away. Many of us know the feeling of stepping outside thinking our car is stolen only tofind out its been hijacked by the repo man. There were at least 1200 home forclosures in my county alone last month. It's funny how wei nvest time, money, and effort into material possessions that can be taken away at any moment but won't invest the same energy in anything eternal.
Times are hard for everyone these days. The economy is weak and I don't see it strengthening in the near future. Some people ask the question, "why?" We want to know who's responsible for the state ofthe Union. What could we have changed in the past that would have resulted in different results? We want to blame and point fingers at politicians and big businesses. It's easier to blame them than adapt and adjust to the new economic environment. I'll admit. Money is tight. But I don't let it get to me. As always, I've got to stay positive. I realize that there are limits to what can be taken away from me. Luckily, no one can take away my true assets. Peace of mind is always available until you give someone a piece. No one can force you to worry. No one forces you to be anxious. After extensive practice, I've learned that my financial situation doesn't define who I am. Although it pays the bills, my job is somewhat unfulfilling. I discovered, however, that I am so much more than my title. I am more than what I see in the mirror. I am the sum of my thoughts. My thoughts determine who I am. And so does yours. That is why it matters how you think. If your thinking is flawed, you will only reach a fraction of your potential. I would go into detail but after 3 years you should trust me by now.
This is why I write The Catalyst. I want you to accept the fact that instead of rims, clothes, and cars we need to invest in our mind/thoughts. That may be easier said than done but the mind is the only thing of value. You won't be able to take any of your material possessions when you die. So I ask you, are your possessions really that important? Most of the things we stress over and think are essential won't even matter a year from now. There are many things happening in the universe right now although most of us are only aware of what is happening in front of our eyes. I know it seems like the end of the world but you will get past your current situation just like you've gotten past everything else. We, as a country, have experienced a recession before. Yes, it sucked but the world didn't end. If you're like me you've had a few jobs over the years. I don't consider it a tragedy if I lose one. If/when push comes to shove I'll just get another one. In my experience, its plenty of jobs available (if you're not picky). How vain to believe that certain jobs (janitor,waitress, fast food rep, etc.) are beneath us. We would rather sit at home broke instead of working for minimum wage. I guess in a way it makes sense (in Bizarro World).
In times like these, you must focus. There are alot of things that will *etiolate your energy and motivation. Yes, you're in debt. Yes, gas prices are high. But it is possible to think your way out of a crisis. Everything you will ever need in life you already have. The materials you obtain is extra and of no consequence considering the big picture.
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." - Albert Einstein
Dream Big. Live Bigger.
The All-American
http://www.rallostyles.com/
http://www.blestbabyproductions.com/
*Word You've Never Heard...
etiolate /EE-tee-uh-layt/ verb - to deprive of natural vigor: to make feeble
I'm a firm believer that pure unadulterated thought is our single most important possession. Sure, we may have a place to live. If we're lucky, we own a car. But our most significant asset is our thoughts. Our thoughts are important because quite simply they are the only things we possess that can't be taken away. Many of us know the feeling of stepping outside thinking our car is stolen only tofind out its been hijacked by the repo man. There were at least 1200 home forclosures in my county alone last month. It's funny how wei nvest time, money, and effort into material possessions that can be taken away at any moment but won't invest the same energy in anything eternal.
Times are hard for everyone these days. The economy is weak and I don't see it strengthening in the near future. Some people ask the question, "why?" We want to know who's responsible for the state ofthe Union. What could we have changed in the past that would have resulted in different results? We want to blame and point fingers at politicians and big businesses. It's easier to blame them than adapt and adjust to the new economic environment. I'll admit. Money is tight. But I don't let it get to me. As always, I've got to stay positive. I realize that there are limits to what can be taken away from me. Luckily, no one can take away my true assets. Peace of mind is always available until you give someone a piece. No one can force you to worry. No one forces you to be anxious. After extensive practice, I've learned that my financial situation doesn't define who I am. Although it pays the bills, my job is somewhat unfulfilling. I discovered, however, that I am so much more than my title. I am more than what I see in the mirror. I am the sum of my thoughts. My thoughts determine who I am. And so does yours. That is why it matters how you think. If your thinking is flawed, you will only reach a fraction of your potential. I would go into detail but after 3 years you should trust me by now.
This is why I write The Catalyst. I want you to accept the fact that instead of rims, clothes, and cars we need to invest in our mind/thoughts. That may be easier said than done but the mind is the only thing of value. You won't be able to take any of your material possessions when you die. So I ask you, are your possessions really that important? Most of the things we stress over and think are essential won't even matter a year from now. There are many things happening in the universe right now although most of us are only aware of what is happening in front of our eyes. I know it seems like the end of the world but you will get past your current situation just like you've gotten past everything else. We, as a country, have experienced a recession before. Yes, it sucked but the world didn't end. If you're like me you've had a few jobs over the years. I don't consider it a tragedy if I lose one. If/when push comes to shove I'll just get another one. In my experience, its plenty of jobs available (if you're not picky). How vain to believe that certain jobs (janitor,waitress, fast food rep, etc.) are beneath us. We would rather sit at home broke instead of working for minimum wage. I guess in a way it makes sense (in Bizarro World).
In times like these, you must focus. There are alot of things that will *etiolate your energy and motivation. Yes, you're in debt. Yes, gas prices are high. But it is possible to think your way out of a crisis. Everything you will ever need in life you already have. The materials you obtain is extra and of no consequence considering the big picture.
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them." - Albert Einstein
Dream Big. Live Bigger.
The All-American
http://www.rallostyles.com/
http://www.blestbabyproductions.com/
*Word You've Never Heard...
etiolate /EE-tee-uh-layt/ verb - to deprive of natural vigor: to make feeble
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