The Catalyst

Hello all,

Tell me if you've been in this situation. You have a car. Whether you bought the car used or you've just had it a long time it is in need of repairs. You go back and forth to the mechanic and nothing seems to help. You keep throwing money at the problem hoping a miracle occurs to keep your car running. But alas, the car issues persist. The vehicle that once provided you with reliable transportation has become a liability. What do you do with this high maintenance vehicle? Of course, you get rid of it. Let me pose another question. If you wouldn't put up with a vehicle that's high maintenence, why do you put up with an individual that is high maintenance?
I think we are all familiar with the high maintenance person. The person who always comes over and eats your food but never contributes monetarily nor cleans up afterward. The overbearing parent. The constant complainer. Growing up, I was under the false impression that "high maintenance" only referred to spoiled, money-hungry women. As I matured, I had to broaden my definition to include anyone whose mere presence costs you more energy than it's worth. Throughout my life, I've met plenty of high maintenance folks. I fall victim to these people because I have a tendency to want to please everybody (I'm the first born so it kind of comes with the territory). As impossible as that sounds, I still try only to find myself exhausted, resentful, and sometimes broke. I don't know why but I have the hardest time saying "no". The fear of not pleasing someone has gotten me in some of the worst situations. I used to think that accomodating everyone that asked for a favor was commendable. But if you're as co-dependent as I am, that gets old real quick. So what do you do when you want your life back? That's easy. You take control (notice I said "take").
High maintenance friends and family will suck you dry if you let them. Constant requests for money, a ride, etc. will weigh down even the most energetic individual. What makes it worse is the fact that it's not the other person's fault. YOU are the one that chooses to spread yourself thin to make someone else happy (who 9 times out of 10 won't even appreciate it, although they expect you to accomodate every time). Saying "no" is the first step to emotional independence. "No"sounds so negative. I realize that. But if you go around saying "yes"to every request, you will never have time to focus on your own needs. Subconsciously, we sometimes put other people's needs in front of ours so we don't have to focus on our own problems. Then we can say, "If I didn't help so and so, I would have been able to (fill in your own blank)". This is known as a built-in excuse. It's a pretty slick cop-out that will keep you stuck in a morass*(<--it's not what it sounds like) if you won't recognize it.
Ridding yourself of high maintenance people should be your #1 priority. The person who is always interrupting your conversations, the person who can't catch a break, the terminally cranky, the chronic worrier, and the hypochondriac are just a few of the high maintenance people that you need to break away from. I know it's hard. Most of the time these are your friends and/or family. When you decide to take your life back, they will be the first ones to tell you that you've changed and you don't look out for them anymore. However, keep in mind that it is not your responsibility to make their life easier. Offering help should be a choice not an obligation.

"Our dependency makes slaves out of us, especially if this dependency is a dependency on our self-esteem. If you need encouragement, praise, pats on the back from everybody, then you make everybody your judge."- Author Unknown

Dream Big. Live Bigger.



The All-American
www.rallostyles.com
www.blestbabyproductions.com

*Word you've never heard...

morass /muh-RASS/ noun - a situation that traps, confuses, or impedes