The Catalyst

Happy Valentine’s Day,

I hope you all will take the time today to make sure the one(s) you love feel appreciated. Myself, I will be joining the million members of the Lonely Hearts Club. You may have heard me speak glowingly of the First Lady in past Catalysts. I spent a full month talking about relationships only for my mate to dump me a few weeks later (talk about irony). I would go into detail but I will save that philippic* for The Catalyst (book). For once, there is a topic I have absolutely no clue about. Love is a strange paradox. You look for it although you know it is only a matter of time before it brings you pain. Love doesn’t always lead to hate but you can’t hate someone you didn’t have love for at some point.
I think I speak for everyone when I say that heartbreak is the worst pain you will ever feel. If you haven’t had your heart broken, you will. It is an inevitable part of life. I was naïve enough to think I could get love right on the first time. But I soon learned that no one is exempt. There is nothing like giving your all to someone only for them to tell you, in no certain terms, that your best is not good enough. For most men, it’s hard to be naked (emotionally) in front of their significant other. You don’t want to show your girlfriend/wife how vulnerable (human) you are. You don’t want to share your fears, regrets, or subjects that makes you sad. Men are supposed to be tough, right? I’m a little different, though. I’m brutally honest. If you want to know something, just ask. As a faithful reader of the Catalyst, you know that I speak truthfully and I’m highly critical. But just as I’m critical of others, I am equally critical of myself. Though I’m aware of my flaws, I don’t sit around all day and focus on them. This normally brings up a HUGE problem in my relationships. I’m an extremely secure person. I learned to accept myself a long time ago. I love my balding head, my big nose, my hairy exterior, and my obsession with non-fiction literature. The problem arises when I, being secure, get involved with an insecure female. People that hate themselves normally want you to hate yourself as well. If you don’t complain about your job, criticize the way you look in the mirror, or get jealous of others you get labeled as vain. However, there is a difference between confidence and conceit. It’s not that I don’t think my (fill in your own blank) stinks; I just realize that everybody (fill in your own blank) stinks and there is no reason to think mine smells any better or worse than anyone else’s.
Before you can love anybody, you MUST love yourself. No one will love you like you. My self-esteem is so high it floats into the atmosphere. I know that if I don’t love and respect myself, no one will. You can’t possibly expect someone else to make you feel valuable. You have to already know. You may say, “Rallo, I love and respect myself but my man still don’t treat me right”. I’m going to give you another example of my brutal honesty. If your man doesn’t show you appreciation or respect, you probably don’t show yourself appreciation and respect. Do you want to know how I know that? If you respected yourself, you would listen to your mom and not be with that knucklehead in the first place. You would know that you are too precious to be letting just any fool get next to you. In the past, I’ve always attracted damaged, insecure women in my life. Being the Dean of Positive University, I would blindly believe that with my attitude I could “save” her. With time I could show her that she is beautiful and that she is important. I felt that no matter how low her self-esteem was I could “fix” her. It never worked. In 2008, I’m no longer into science projects. I no longer look to “save” or “fix” anybody. The next woman I take a gamble on will not be emotionally high maintenance. She will have to accept herself including her flaws. I don’t mind giving compliments but I shouldn’t have to convince the lady of her worth. I now realize that if she can accept her shortcomings, she will also accept my shortcomings.
Don’t ever succumb to the belief that there is something wrong with being single. Your friends that are involved with someone probably wish they were you. When you are single you have options. You can date as many people as you like. Now, when I say date I don’t mean you have to have sex with everyone that invites you to dinner. Dating is the same as courting. I think that is the problem with couples. They choose to involve themselves with one person exclusively. After 8 months, they break up and have to start all over again. Save some time and date as many people as possible. Like I said, you don’t have to have sex with them but you can evaluate while getting to know them. You need to compare and contrast to narrow down your search. If one doesn’t work you have more to choose from. You have options. One more thing, get out of the house! Your future wife/husband isn’t going to come knocking at your door. It wouldn’t hurt to lose a few pounds and update that wardrobe a little, either. Despite what you think, your personal appearance is the most important thing. What better way to get noticed than to have a toned body encased in stylish threads? You just separated yourself from 90 % of the single population because you care how you look. To me, there is nothing sexier than a woman who takes pride in her appearance. But that’s just me. Some guys are into the sloppy, “I-ain’t-trying-to-impress-nobody” look. Fellas, it wouldn’t hurt to add a nice jacket and tie to your wardrobe of white tees, Timberlands, and Air Force Ones. Again that’s my opinion. Some women are into the “Grown-man-dressing-like-a-teenager” look. You may be thinking, “Rallo, a person should focus on the inside and not what I look like on the outside”. If you think like this, chances are you will be single for a very, very long time.

”You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”-- Buddha


Dream Big. Live Bigger.


The All-American
www.rallostyles.com
http://thecatalystexperience.blogspot.com/


*Word you’ve never heard…

philippic /fuh-LIP-ik/ noun - a discourse or declamation full of bitter condemnation: tirade